Sunday, October 21, 2007

Singing the Varsity Football Blues

I run this little blog here and I like to say it is devoted to Toronto's futility and all the crumminess found on the sports page and yet I have never acknowledged the one team that truly embodies every aspect of Futility in Toronto. This changes, now.

The University of Toronto Men's Football team, the Varsity Blues, has not won a football game in six years, a stretch dating back to 2001 and encompassing an eye-brow raising 48 loses in a row. These guys are good at being bad. Really good. Undisputed champs, but only when it comes to losing.

You would think that at Canada's most prestigious university (it must be if I go there) they would have enough left over cash to invest in an equally prestigious football team. They certainly charge enough. Hah! But that's a complaint for another day. Right now it's all football.

The problems started back in '93 when some policy wonk with memories of being shoved in lockers by over testosteronated high school jocks still keeping him awake at night decided to slash the budget of what had once been a pretty darn decent football organization. We're a place of dignified higher learning after all, and football is so... so uncivilized.

All 48 loses can be attributed to one coach which shows just what kind of organization we are dealing with here, a place where as long as you go out, have fun and try your best guys, there are no losers. And grape popsicles after every game! If this had been any one of Ontario's, ahem, lesser universities, a line probably would have been drawn a long time ago.

I'm not sure if this team is even heading in the right direction. They have a swanky new stadium, but that just might be to keep up appearances. The Phoenix Coyotes got a new stadium a couple years ago and damned if they ever did anything to deserve it. At this point you just have to sit back and appreciate the Varsity Blues for what they are: a group of lovable losers destined to forever finish behind on the scoreboard. And as long as these guys keep it up, we'll be able to objectively say that the Maple Leafs are not the worst show in town.


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