When Old Men Get Desperate

David Beckham is an impressive man. Not many athletes could parlay a couple of disappointing, underachieving seasons in one of soccer's most prestigious clubs, as well as being not-too-subtly kicked off the national team he used to captain by the new coach into a 250 million dollar, five year contract. But David Beckham can. David Beckham did.

Making use of the MLS's newly made, and oh-so-convenient Beckham Rule, the Los Angeles Galaxy dumped a few cement trucks full of money on Becks' front lawn, and then promised him a couple more, if he would just cross the pond and come play in the U.S' ever-nascent major soccer league. As if he had to think about that.

Beckham, quickly becoming a joke, and an unfunny one at that, over in Old Europe, hardly needed another reason to leave, especially 250 million other ones. David Beckham is 31, a depressing age for soccer players, but jerseys with his name splayed on the back still seem to sell like soiled panties in Japan. Go figure.

We want to make fun of Beckham for being a washed up bum, after all, what kind of goober looser chooses to play soccer in America when they could be playing football on the continent? But seriously, this guy makes more than Alex Rodriguez, and he is married to a Spice Girl. Anything we say now will just look like sour grapes.

But let's remember the last time big time soccer stars tried to milk their retirement from European soccer by playing in the US. Remember when Pele and Beckenbauer spent more time partying than playing, and remember how the Cosmos and the rest of the NASL went bankrupt trying to out do each other in their rush to sign over the hill players who had long ago past their best before date? We're just saying... Does the MLS really have the fan support, the media attention, or the big bankrolls to try their own arms race?

It is kind of cool that with Becks stateside, we actually have a chance to see him do his thing, that is, bend it, right here in Toronto. If Toronto FC ever gets around to playing, you can be sure David Beckham will sell a few tickets for the new BMO Field.

And we can hardly wait until other tired stars wanting a fat paycheque for minimal effort start landing in the MLS. Zidane unretires for Washington? Larsson in Columbus? Dare we say it, Ronaldo in Toronto? Oh yes, the MLS is just getting started.

Jason

No, I mean Toronto's Other Football Team

Toronto has added one more professional team to its ranks, with the unveiling of its new MLS franchise. And while we could joke that the MLS hardly qualifies as a professional league, we don't think that would be appropriate.

Sure, the MLS is about as popular as professional hot dog eating, and only slightly less nauseating to watch, and sure, North America and futbol go together like peanut butter and pickles, but forget all that. This is a happy day for soccer in Canada. Because of this new soccer team, Toronto will now have an honest to goodness soccer stadium to call its own.

The team has been named Toronto FC, which is a good solid name. Nothing fruity or weird about that. None of this ripping off real teams (Real Salt Lake? Houston Dynamo? Who are they trying to fool here?), and way better than the proposed Internazionale Toronto.

Not to mention their spiffy logo. I mean seriously, that's a quality logo.

But there are dark clouds over this team. They are owned by a monster known as Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment, the beast responsible for 51 one years worth of futility. As owners of the Maple Leafs and Raptors, things do not bode well for MLS's Canadian pioneer.

But they don't start playing until 2007. Time enough to prove me wrong.

And speaking of Toronto and football, the Toronto Argonauts, our representative in the CFL, have earned themselves their first mention on 63 Years and Counting with the chuckle worthy move of placing running back/junkie Ricky Williams on their negotiation list.

For those not in the know, Ricky Williams was suspended for the season by the NFL for toking up once too many times.

The Argos, savvy customers that they are, imediately put him on their list, giving them exclusive rights to talk with him.

And the funny thing is that Ricky might actually be open to it. The Miami Dolphins surely want him to be doing something during his hiatus (get it? Hiatus, high? Yeah... that wasn't very good), and the CFL certainly constitutes something.

And while you could probably say something about the CFL accepting the NFL's dregs, and what kind of message does this send to the youth of today, it's more likely you'd end up with a smack. Of course the CFL will take the NFL's leftovers; that's the way it works. The CFL is like a second chance for the castoffs, the has beens, the wannabees, and the rejects that the NFL has deemed unworthy. That's just the way things are.

And about the drug use thing, well... did we mention he's a former Heisman Trophy winner?

And in other news, the Jays smacked the A's around today 8-3. Ted Lilly got the win, and he's going to have to keep being solid if this team hopes to go anywhere. A.J Burnett is still out, Gustavo Chacin is the newest question mark with a strained something or other, and Josh Towers, now at an unsightly 0-7, is quite quickly pitching his way out of the starting rotation.

In other, other news, we have to admit that following our advice in the NHL playoffs is hardly the best idea. We picked New Jersey over Carolina and they're now down 3-0; we picked Ottawa over Buffalo and they're now down 3-1; we picked Colorado over Anahiem and they're down 3-0 and in the process of losing game four as we type.

Hindsight is 20/20,

Jason