Committed Quebecers collude to cook corporate cook off

Oh dear, another year, another tale of NHL All Star drama. I know! People say the All Star game is boring, and obviously it is, because it is an All Star game and I am not going to sit here and argue first principles with you, but suffice it to say that though the actual game may be unwatchable, the NHL is developing a decent knack for making the runnup at least notable. A couple years ago it was Rory Fitzpatrick buoyed by fans having fun with the NHL's vote now, vote often voting system (still waiting for that recount). The hockeystocracy was aghast of course, that is the twenty or so people left in the NHL who still attached any symbolic value to the honourific of "All Star." 

And wouldn't you know it, those gosh darned fans are at it again, messing with the institution we(?) all hold dear. And this time most of them don't even speak English. It's Montreal Canadiens fans stuffing the ballots now, trying to pull off a ballsy All Star starting line sweep, six for six, all Montreal. Zut Alor! It's like, don't fans even care about hockey? Don't they take this stuff seriously? Do they think online balloting is some sort of joke? 

Power to the people, sez I. Haven't you ever popped in an NHL game and squared your colours off against say, an All Star squad, or even Team Canada? (Personally, I haven't but it has more to do with existential issues than anything else. Mats! You can't be in two places at once! etc etc) Haven't you ever shot the breeze, arguing whether your team could actually take on a team of All-Stars? People talk like that, right? Well anyway, Montreal fans have a chance to find that out now, and people want to take that away from them? Every time something interesting threatens to happen in this league, somebody has to suck the air out of the room and kick a few puppies for good measure. It's Montreal's 100th anniversary. The All Star game is unthinkably boring. Why don't you lighten up. So what Tim Thomas starts the second period and not the first. So what Kovalev is a bum. You don't want to see Montreal fans - Montreal fans in Montreal cheering for six Montreal players because it maybe ruins some sort of tradition? Hey, you know where to cast your vote. Write your own voting program and put it to work. This is democracy, deal with it.

Ok! That's another strawman torn to pieces. Carry on. 

Some Guys Use DeLoreans, Others Use Phonebooths. All I Need Is A Newspaper

I found something amazing in my basement the other day. I have in my hands the Toronto Star's Sports section from April 29.

1990.

The front page, yellowed and smelly but still serviceable, had three stories, as well as pictures of a moody looking Al MacInnis sporting ugly World Championships issue Team Canada duds and Billy Ranford taking some serious goaltender interference. The lead story was boxing - Thomas Hearns beating Micheal Olajide if you care, which leads me to surmise that the primitive people of the early nineties still cared about boxing.

Also ran was a story about the Blue Jays, losers of three straight taking their latest from the White Sox 5-4 at Comiskey Park, which is probably the funniest way of spelling US Cellular Field I've ever seen. The Jays went on to record an 86-76 finish which was considered disappointing by the spoiled fans of the early nineties Jays. The Jays starter that night in April was a dude named Mike Flanagan who the Internet tells me only started five games all season and was out the door by the next one. The White Sox debuted rookie Jerry Kutzler who got the win, which must have been the highlight of his career because he only played six more games in the bigs and I can't say I don't feel glad to know that.

The bottom story was about the St. Louis Blues forcing game seven against the Chicago Blackhawks thanks to two goals by Brett Hull. The winner of game seven, Chicago, incidentally, would go on to face the eventual Stanley Cup winners, the Edmonton Oilers in something called the Norris Division finals. Call me a smart-assed ankle biter if you will, but how did the NHL get by with such useless division names? And why was Toronto grouped with the Western teams, while we're at it. Staying topical, the Hawks coach at the time was Calgary's current new flame (oh man, I totally did not intend that pun) Mike Keenan. Daaang has that guy been around. The Hawks were also relying on the unproven goaltending of some kid named Belfour, who lasted all of two and a half minutes before the Keener yanked him.

Delving inside, we find the reason for Al Mac's resigned scowl was because Team Canada had lost to those damned Czechoslovaks 3-2 at the World Hockey Championships in Bern. Canada was coached by Dave King (who is speculated elsewhere to soon make the jump to the NHL, though that would be delayed for two years) and the goaltending tandem of Kirk Mclean and Bob Essensa while the Czechoslovaks went with Dominik Hasek. The article hearkened back to simpler times in the NHL, when there actually was some difference between North America and European hockey, when the Soviets were still scary, when Alan Eagleson was still cool.

Below that is an piece on the outraged Habitants who were of course still in shock that they would not be drinking from the Cup that year. "They've become so accustomed to winning, many consider it some sort of divine right that they keep Lord Stanley's old goblet year after year." I think it's safe to say that after fourteen years without it now, Montreal is probably over it's withdrawal symptoms. But the columnist was no fool. "...Montreal is, as usual, not far removed from the Cup." I don't think I need to remind you who won the cup three years later.

Misc hockey notes: The owners of the Minnesota North Stars are planning on selling their franchise in order to obtain an expansion team in Silicon Valley and the Nordiques are looking to sign their number one overall draft pick, a spunky Swede with generous blond hair, Mats something who is showing "a large amount of talent" while with Djurgarden, recent winners of the Swedish Elite Division, beating out Hakan Loob's Farjestad.

This one has nothing to do with sports, but there is a giant ad for what is described as "The Ultimate Business Weapon". Yes, we're talking cellular phones. The Motorola cellular phone is of course the lightest and smallest model on the market at a slim and svelte 12.3 ounces and 15.8 inches and features a novel way to hang up. Simply flip the mouthpiece shut to end the call! Oh my! Ok, I'll stop.

Page Six features a small blurb about the world snooker championship, which is probably exactly one more small blurb about snooker than the Toronto Star has ran in the last decade.

And finally, file this one under "Some Things Never Change" but the back page featured several goalies complaining about the rampant goaltending interference and abuse they've had to suffer. I'm sure they'd be happy to know that 17 years later, their descendants are keeping the fight alive.

Jason

Clash Of The (Less Than) Titans

It's set. Montreal and Toronto both followed their scripts earlier tonight, and have set up Saturday's Hockey Night In Canada as the game to decide everything. Eighty-one games played, and it all comes down to the last one. Montreal leads Toronto by a point, meaning the Leafs need to beat the Canadiens in regulation to make the playoffs. Overtime will not do, because a tie in the standings would favour the Habs.

Both teams lost their games in New York, which is a rather deflating way to set up the most important game of the season, but really, the process doesn't matter right now, only the end result. The Leafs could have done themselves a favour by beating the Islanders today and eliminating them from contention, because technically that half of New York is still in the hunt with two games remaining, which could ultimately make all this Toronto-Montreal posturing purely academic.

Enough with the needless pessimism - the Islanders will stumble, my storybook ending says they have to. Saturday should be great. I don't want to get too optimistic, Montreal has been playing slightly better than Toronto, and we do have to win in regulation, which is something the Leafs haven't actually done since March 27. Going in the Leafs favour is that the game is in Toronto, where they have an eight game win streak going.

Decision: Maple Leafs? I hope so, so hard.

Jason

McCabe Baby, They Love You Again

It was only a short time ago the Air Canada erupted in boos every time Bryan McCabe touched the puck. After tonight, there's not a Leafs fan in the Golden Horseshoe who wouldn't bear his children if he asked.

With another must win game sent in to overtime, this time against Philadelphia, it was McCabe's 14th that saved the Leafs' season (and John Ferguson's job?) for at least one more night. It was, as power play point shots go, a pretty one, a tic tac toe between Sundin, Kaberle and McCabe that went on just long enough to scramble Phillie's three defenders. It was merciful that the Leafs won this one, because it's one thing to have the Flyers end your season in the second round of the playoffs, but it is an entirely different thing to have your season ended by a Philadelphia team in last place.

Montreal also won their game, a gimme against Boston, which is actually a good thing, well sort of, because it keeps both teams on pace for an epic clash next Saturday in Toronto, when both teams should duke it out for that final playoff spot, an entire season in one game. Standing in the way of that epic Hockey Night in Canada clash, is a pair of Thursday night games, both as it happens, in New York. Montreal draws the Rangers, who appear to have locked down their spot, and the Leafs get the Islanders, who are more or less done with the news that Rick Dipietro's season is over (Speaking of over, Carolina is 100% done, teaming up with the plummeting Oilers to combine as the first Stanley Cup finalists to both miss the next playoffs).

If the Buds and Habs follow the script, they should both win - or both lose even, to ensure that there is something to play for on Saturday. Montreal sits at 91 points, Toronto 90. This is going to be a great finish.

Jason

The East's Eighth Will Be No Chump

If (or when, for the half full crowd) the Leafs make the playoffs, I have a really good feeling about their prospects. Whichever team does takes the eighth and final Eastern spot will have damn well earned that berth. There are five teams looking for the last two spots (I'm assuming Tampa will get their act together), and you can be sure whoever gets there won't crawl in on their knees.

True, eighth isn't the hottest place to be, it's a invitation to Buffalo after all, but under my logic, if you can play the next ten games well enough to lock up a playoff spot, you can at least give the number one team in the NHL a good show.

New York, New York, Montreal, Carolina and Toronto are the challengers, two playoff spots are the reward. The Islanders will probably take one, as long DiPietro keeps up the ubermensch performance (and thereby qualify for an apology from every single hockey fan who ever said anything bad about them in the off season, myself included). The Rangers did a lot just to get back into the race, and Shanny might return soon too, so counting them out would be silly, but we've already given one spot away, and the second is reserved for the Maple Leafs... so... yeah. They'll choke eventually. Carolina doesn't seem to have anything big going their way, nothing stands out about the defending champs, and Montreal is too busy being Quebec's newest daily soap opera to find any success on the ice. The Leafs have their number one power play unit back with the return of Tucker and Wellwood. The Leafs played five hundred hockey while they were gone, and now that they're back, logic, if nothing else, says that the Leafs start to play better.

They beat (a severely undermanned) New Jersey (by one goal) last night, which is promising. Of the five teams, Toronto has the hardest schedule, playing just one non-playoff team in their final ten. Luckily though, Toronto also plays the four teams around them once each, placing Toronto's fate in their own hands. A home and home against Buffalo looms, which is good, because it will give us a potential preview of the first round. If the Leafs get swept here, than preparing for the playoffs is pointless. If they turn in a good performance, just spilt the series, hope will continue to sparkle.

Jason

The Toronto Maple Leafs vs The Culture Of Defeat (Pre-game)

The Leafs are at home to take on the Edmonton Oilers tonight, who for something like the 16th straight year head into the end of the season clawing for the final playoff spot. We can't gloat of course; our Leafs are doing only nominally better, currently in a three way tie for eighth. (TSN is gracious enough to give us the final spot in their standings, though Montreal has more wins, and the Islanders have a better goal differential). The talk in Edmonton, from what we can gather, is on Kevin Lowe's ever nascent attempts to acquire another defenseman, and the questionable future of Ryan Smyth (which we totally feel your pain on, see Tucker, Darcy).

But whatever, the real story tonight isn't about Edmonton, it's about the Leafs. Not our Leafs, mind you, but rather 1967's Maple Leafs, the last blue'n'whites to the lift the cup. This is the fortieth anniversary (a fun game to play is to imagine that the Leafs win the cup this season, and then go on another 40 year drought. There would literally statues, as in plural, of Mats Sundin in front of city hall, and Wade Belak would be GOD) of that momentous occasion.

But here's the funny thing: it wasn't all that momentous 40 years ago. '67 was just another win in the last great Leaf dynasty (course, those poor, naive fans didn't use the word "Last"), number 10 overall, and a nice screw you to Montreal at the time. Sure, the men on that team were special (10 of 'em are in the Hall Of Fame) but the cup win wasn't. If you could go back in time 40 years to tell your grandfather that the Leafs wouldn't win another cup in his lifetime and that Harold Ballard was actually clinically insane, he wouldn't believe a word you said. Seriously, would you believe a guy who said he traveled through time just to warn you about the future of a hockey team? Where are the lottery numbers, damn it?

Anyway, fast forward four decades, and the fine folks of Toronto are approaching Bostonian in their drought fetish. It will still be a decade or two before we make a true source of pride out of it, but that day is definitely approaching (All we needed was Jonas Hoglund to screw up in a game seven cup final, and you know we'd be there by now).

It should be a nice ceremony tonight, Dave Keon will be in the building, significant because of his long standing feud with the Leafs over their head-in-the-sand policy of not retiring jerseys (because just look at the godawful disaster in Montreal when Dryden's number went up. Wait, not godawful disaster - absolute, smashing success).

Seriously though, do Toronto fans need another reminder that our hockey team is useless? Do we really need our current iteration of Buds to be stacked up against some of the greatest to ever don the blue and white? because, let's face it, it's a losing proposition. (Silly, idle speculation: Current number of Leafs who will end up in the Hall of Fame: 1, and that's about it (still way too early to call Kyle Wellwood, or Alex Steen, but we do have a good feeling about Steener.)

Jason

Don't Look Now, But That's Four Straight

The Maple Leafs and Canadiens squared off today, the umpteenth hundred rehashing of an age old rivalry. Or, that's what the guide book said. Instead we were treated to humdrum affair that had all the energy and passion of the annual Chartered Accountants of America convention. No, you're right, that's not fair at all. With enough tequila, even accountants can have a good time.

Nonetheless, this was a case of the ends justifying the means, as the Leafs skated away with 5-1 victory, which came despite missing captain Mats Sundin and goalie Andrew Raycroft, not to mention losing Mike Peca to a severe case of puck-to-the-faceitis halfway through the game.

Bryan McCabe earned his pay cheque with two goals and an assist, Tomas Kaberle continued his hot tear with a goal and two helpers of his own, and Nik Antropov continued to make us feel bad about every mean and hurtful thing we've ever said about him with his fourth goal in the last three games.

Saku Koivu had the only goal for Les Habitants (helped out by Guillame "Le Super Encroyable Magnifique" Latendresse) and Davey Aebischer was in net for what was an ugly loss for the visitors. Sacre bleu, didn't this used to be the rivalry to end all rivalries?

This hockey game also did triple duty as it hosted the Hall of Fame inductions (Patrick Roy, the late Herb Brooks, and a couple of other grey haired guys) as well as Remembrance Day ceremonies.

Excuse us, but that was some tactless shite the NHL pulled off right there. Why would you force veterans, both military and hockey, to share the stage together? What the hell. The war vets shouldn't play second fiddle to anybody. It was down right disrespectful to both parties. The NHL's hockey heroes do deserve some love, but when stacked up against wheelchair bound war veterans, the real heroes, does it really matter how many goals they scored or how many Stanley Cup rings they have to stick in their ears?

This could have been done so much better. That was real classy NHL, real classy.

Jason

State of the Canadian Game

All of the Canadian NHL teams have been busy little bees this season, Montreal becoming the last to jump on the bandwagon today with a flurry of signings and trades of their own. Let's take a look at what the more northernly teams have been up to, accompanied by our expert (snicker) commentary. From east to west, here we go.

Montreal
In: Sergei Samsonov, Mike Johnson
Out: Richard Zednik

Montreal was good last year, without being great. Next season looks to be more of the same. They don't have a number one goalie; Aebischer and Cristobal Huet will have to duke it out for that honour. Samsonov is a nice addition, though he kind of went MIA in Edmonton last year at the end, he still has his goal scoring touch. Saku Koivu and Alexei Kovalev are just another year older though. And why do they still pay Radek Bonk?

Ottawa
In: Martin Gerber, Joe Corvo, Tom Preissing
Out: Zdeno Chara, Dominik Hasek, Martin Havlat, Bryan Smolinski, Tyler Arnason, Bryan Pothier

Unlike Ottawa GM John Muckler, we're not so keen on his new-look Senators. At best, this team is merely as good as the one that preceded it, but we're skeptical that it's better. We like their move in net, signing Carolina's Gerber, which gives them a legit number one, and an end to the Hasek circus (How did signing him ever seem like a good idea?). They also completed one of the more confusing trades of the off-season, sending Havlet and Smolinski to Chicago for San Jose's Preissing. We're told that Corvo and Preissing are both underrated defensemen, but do they equal one Chara? We're skeptical. We're also from Toronto. Go figure.


Toronto
In: Andrew Raycroft, Hal Gill, Pavel Kubina
Out: Eddie Belfour, Tie Domi

Our beloved Maple Leafs are looking younger and better than ever. They have a former rookie of the year in net, plus four legitimite defensemen. And GM John Ferguson has shown the door to the old Leaf policy of hiring old timers well past their prime (Sorry Gary Roberts, not this time). The future is bright in the centre of the universe. Oh, and how many more chances does Nik Antropov get before the Leafs' brass give up on him? Four, minimum, is our guess.

Winne...oh, right.

Edmonton
In: Daniel Tjarnqvist, Marty Reasoner, Joffry Lupul
Out: Chris Pronger

It doesn't matter what the Oilers do now, they've lost Pronger. That's an imbalance no amount of signings is going to fix. Lupul is no slouch, and the handful of draft picks are nice, but they don't add up to one Pronger. And Dwayne Roloson has suckered them into giving him a three-year contract. We suspect that by the end of that, somebody is going to regret signing that contract, and it's not going to be Roloson. On the other hand, the Oilers have a bunch of great young guys, so it's way too early to write them off.

Calgary
In: Alex Tanguay, Jeff Freisen, Andrei Zyuzin
Out: Jordan Leopold

Dare we say it, but Calgary is shaping up to be a team we could actually cheer for. Our main sticking point last season was that they played old-style defensive hockey in the new goal-happy era. Mikka Kiprusoff was the very deserving Vezina winning goalie thanks to that system, which saw the Flames take one goal leads and then shut down the game. But now with another goal scorer or two on the team not named Iginla, this is shaping up as a very interesting team. Also, coach Darryl Sutter (and not, as I almost typed, Darryl Sittler) resigned as coach, for better or for worse. He's still the GM, and the new coach (the hilariously named Jim Playfair) was his old assistant coach, so we all know who's pulling the strings.

Vancouver
In: Roberto Luongo, Marc Chouinard, Willie Mitchell
Out: Todd Bertuzzi, Bryan Allen, Dan Cloutier, Ed Jovanovski

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Vancouver pulled off an amazing trade in getting Luongo, and dumping Bertuzzi. The Canucks have all the pieces now. They have the scoring, the goaltending, and most of the defense, though losing Jovanovski never helps. This team badly underachieved last year, somehow managing to miss the playoffs. Marcus Naslund needs to shape up, Anson Carter needs to come back, and Luongo needs to put up the same numbers he did with the Panthers. Vancouver should do much, much better this season. Or they could crash and burn, again. You know, whatever's easier.

So could this be the year that all six Canadian teams make the playoffs? You better believe it. Not only that, but this could be the year that the Cup comes home. A Canadian team to win it all this season? Why not.

With eleven months to go until the Stanley Cup is next awarded, we're going to go out on a limb and predict that the Leafs will win it all. Let's say in a four game sweep of Calgary, no wait, Detroit, no, no, we got it: Columbus. Yeah, Columbus. We'd be willing to put large sums of money on it, in fact.

Until then,

Jason