Scho Long, Schoeneweis

The Blue Jays lightened their bullpen today, sending lefty reliever Scott Schoeneweis to Cincinnati for um... well, not much actually. "A Player To Be Named". Oh, and the penny conscious Blue Jays save about 600 thou on Schoeneweis' contract, which is up this year anyway.

Let's be honest, we here at 63 Years don't really care about the Jays' bullpen shuffling. MLB relievers are as permanent as that tattoo that came with our box of Froot Loops. This entry is just a slim facade for today's title, which came to us in a flash of inspiration as we read of Schoeneweis' departure.

Come on, "Scho Long, Schoeneweis"? It's virtual poetry.

Back to the story, we might as well make something out of it. Grafted word for word off of TSN.ca are Sho's stats for this season.

"Schoeneweis, 32, appeared in 55 games this season, posting a 2-2 record and 6.51 ERA but hasn't been as effective since the all-star break, in part because of a nagging leg injury. Overall, the six-foot, 190-pound left-hander allowed 39 hits in 37.1 innings, while walking 16 and striking out 18"

Nothing special, in other words. He was a pretty faceless guy in a pretty faceless bullpen. He didn't have great sideburns, like Bryan Tallet, great hair, like Scott Downs, or a great first name, like Jason Frasor.

He just was.

Scho long then, and thanks for all the memories. Like that time when you...um... you know what? Let's not ruin the moment.

Good luck with the Reds,

Jason

ADDENDUM: We would also like to extend an apology to half man, half machine, Roger Federer. It would seem that we jinxed him. A day after writing this,

Also unrelated, we feel we should devote a few inches to tennis, what with the Rogers Cup taking place in our backyard. Roger Federer won the men's side. No shit, Sherlock. Of course Federer won. Yawn. Moving on.

Federer goes and actually, get this, loses. Woah! Yeah, that's what we said. Wanna know something even freakier? It happened in Cincinnati!

So we'd just like to say to Federer, we're so sorry, and that from now on, we'll put our strange voodoo powers to use for the greater gooder.

For example: Those Toronto Maple Leafs, they're never going to win a Stanley Cup again. Never. Ever.

Are you listening, Voodoo gods? Never.

Wildcard Dreams?

The Jays are still, by the slimmest of margins, in the AL's wildcard hunt. They sit 7.5 games behind the current wild team, Chicago. Coincidently, that's also the margin of games that separate them from the AL East leading Yankees. There's no easy way in for these Blue Jays.

Realistically, the wildcard race is a three horse show, with the Jays looking in from the outside. But as long as they continue to win games, like they did tonight, sliding by the slumping Devil Rays 4-3, we here at 63 Years and Counting can continue to hope.

It looks bleak, it does, but as long the Jays can keep putting notches in the W column, we can keep pretending. All we ask is that Toronto stays competitive, at least until, say mid September. You know, make a good show of it. That should carry us into the NHL pre-season, which should help pick up the slack.

And if the Jays do manage something, it will be largely thanks to Roy "15-3" Halladay, who became the major league leader in wins today with his little number against Tampa. This guy deserves way more love than he gets from the US media.

Also, Gustavo "I Have My Own Perfume" Chacin, he of the three month long disabled list sojourn, is set to return on Saturday against the Baltimore Orioles. He owned a sparkling 6-2 record before he went down, which did a good job of sweeping his unsightly ERA under the rug. No matter though, because this means that the Jays will have four of their original five projected starters on the mound. Don't hold your breathe on Josh Towers though...

Sidenote: Former Leaf Owen Nolan has finally landed on another team, after a year's absence. He's in Phoenix now, and we'd like to say that we have no hard feelings towards the guy, even if he did try to shaft the Leafs' salary cap ambitions last season. He's coming fairly cheap (1.25 mil) and he's only 34. Good job by the Coyotes.

Also unrelated, we feel we should devote a few inches to tennis, what with the Rogers Cup taking place in our backyard. Roger Federer won the men's side. No shit, Sherlock. Of course Federer won. Yawn. Moving on.

We also feel we should mention that we totally dig the whole "chick sports" thing. Totally. Yep, we're all about that. Which is why we didn't even bother watching the men's tournament, the overpaid, chauvinist pigs that they are. That's right, we boycotted the men's half in favour of the women's half. Please, your praise is not necessary.

Maria Kirilenko, seen here at the Rogers Cup in Montreal. She can cup our Roger anyday. Giggidy!