Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Scho Long, Schoeneweis

The Blue Jays lightened their bullpen today, sending lefty reliever Scott Schoeneweis to Cincinnati for um... well, not much actually. "A Player To Be Named". Oh, and the penny conscious Blue Jays save about 600 thou on Schoeneweis' contract, which is up this year anyway.

Let's be honest, we here at 63 Years don't really care about the Jays' bullpen shuffling. MLB relievers are as permanent as that tattoo that came with our box of Froot Loops. This entry is just a slim facade for today's title, which came to us in a flash of inspiration as we read of Schoeneweis' departure.

Come on, "Scho Long, Schoeneweis"? It's virtual poetry.

Back to the story, we might as well make something out of it. Grafted word for word off of are Sho's stats for this season.

"Schoeneweis, 32, appeared in 55 games this season, posting a 2-2 record and 6.51 ERA but hasn't been as effective since the all-star break, in part because of a nagging leg injury. Overall, the six-foot, 190-pound left-hander allowed 39 hits in 37.1 innings, while walking 16 and striking out 18"

Nothing special, in other words. He was a pretty faceless guy in a pretty faceless bullpen. He didn't have great sideburns, like Bryan Tallet, great hair, like Scott Downs, or a great first name, like Jason Frasor.

He just was.

Scho long then, and thanks for all the memories. Like that time when you know what? Let's not ruin the moment.

Good luck with the Reds,


ADDENDUM: We would also like to extend an apology to half man, half machine, Roger Federer. It would seem that we jinxed him. A day after writing this,

Also unrelated, we feel we should devote a few inches to tennis, what with the Rogers Cup taking place in our backyard. Roger Federer won the men's side. No shit, Sherlock. Of course Federer won. Yawn. Moving on.
Federer goes and actually, get this, loses. Woah! Yeah, that's what we said. Wanna know something even freakier? It happened in Cincinnati!

So we'd just like to say to Federer, we're so sorry, and that from now on, we'll put our strange voodoo powers to use for the greater gooder.

For example: Those Toronto Maple Leafs, they're never going to win a Stanley Cup again. Never. Ever.

Are you listening, Voodoo gods? Never.

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