If There Were Any Justice in The World

Women's Beach Volleyball would be the most popular sport in the world. Those (very) fine ladies would be the ones signed to the multi-gazillion dollar contracts and the multi-gazillion dollar sponsorship deals. LeBron who?

Have you ever watched Women's Beach Volleyball? I mean, really watched it? Just try telling me that that is not the most perfect sport in existance. I dare you.

That's really all for now,

Jason

You Go Away For A Week And Everything Falls to Pot

What a week to decide to shut oneself on an island with no electricity, under the proverbial rock. You go away for seven measly days and not only does Middle East explode, so does the Blue Jays clubhouse (Not that we're comparing the very, very serious situation in Lebanon to the just slightly silly debacle at the Roger's Centre. No sir).

So we come back to find that Shea "What Do You Mean You Signed Overbay?!" Hillenbrand is gone, after almost starting a fight with manager John Gibbons. The whole thing started over some stupid messages written on a board. Come on guys, what is this, kindergarten?

Well, Hillenbrand isn't that big a loss, he didn't get much playtime, and was unhappy here anyways. Not to mention his contract was up after this season, so the Jays saved themselves some big bucks.

He's in San Fran now, and we hope he's happy. For their trouble, the Jays picked up a reliever, which is always handy.

The best part is that this soap opera coincided with a visit from the Yankees, and they took three of four games from them. The Jays should start some clubhouse drama more often.

In other news, the Maple Leafs' off-season apparently was not quite done, as they picked up former Edmonton Oiler Michael Peca. The media seemed to be largely in favour of Peca coming home, due to his effort in the playoffs, which saw him significantly pick up the pace.

But before we start planning parades down Yonge St., let's not forget that for most of the regular season he was invisible. Our new second line centre didn't even put up twenty points last year. Not that we're against Peca playing here, we're just saying hold your expectation in check, just a little bit.

Also Eric Lindros followed the money down to Dallas, which offered twice what Toronto was willing to pay. We love Lindros, we do, we just hope that he doesn't get burned down there by over-hyped expectations. What exactly do the Stars expect out of him?

That's all for now,

Jason

State of the Canadian Game

All of the Canadian NHL teams have been busy little bees this season, Montreal becoming the last to jump on the bandwagon today with a flurry of signings and trades of their own. Let's take a look at what the more northernly teams have been up to, accompanied by our expert (snicker) commentary. From east to west, here we go.

Montreal
In: Sergei Samsonov, Mike Johnson
Out: Richard Zednik

Montreal was good last year, without being great. Next season looks to be more of the same. They don't have a number one goalie; Aebischer and Cristobal Huet will have to duke it out for that honour. Samsonov is a nice addition, though he kind of went MIA in Edmonton last year at the end, he still has his goal scoring touch. Saku Koivu and Alexei Kovalev are just another year older though. And why do they still pay Radek Bonk?

Ottawa
In: Martin Gerber, Joe Corvo, Tom Preissing
Out: Zdeno Chara, Dominik Hasek, Martin Havlat, Bryan Smolinski, Tyler Arnason, Bryan Pothier

Unlike Ottawa GM John Muckler, we're not so keen on his new-look Senators. At best, this team is merely as good as the one that preceded it, but we're skeptical that it's better. We like their move in net, signing Carolina's Gerber, which gives them a legit number one, and an end to the Hasek circus (How did signing him ever seem like a good idea?). They also completed one of the more confusing trades of the off-season, sending Havlet and Smolinski to Chicago for San Jose's Preissing. We're told that Corvo and Preissing are both underrated defensemen, but do they equal one Chara? We're skeptical. We're also from Toronto. Go figure.


Toronto
In: Andrew Raycroft, Hal Gill, Pavel Kubina
Out: Eddie Belfour, Tie Domi

Our beloved Maple Leafs are looking younger and better than ever. They have a former rookie of the year in net, plus four legitimite defensemen. And GM John Ferguson has shown the door to the old Leaf policy of hiring old timers well past their prime (Sorry Gary Roberts, not this time). The future is bright in the centre of the universe. Oh, and how many more chances does Nik Antropov get before the Leafs' brass give up on him? Four, minimum, is our guess.

Winne...oh, right.

Edmonton
In: Daniel Tjarnqvist, Marty Reasoner, Joffry Lupul
Out: Chris Pronger

It doesn't matter what the Oilers do now, they've lost Pronger. That's an imbalance no amount of signings is going to fix. Lupul is no slouch, and the handful of draft picks are nice, but they don't add up to one Pronger. And Dwayne Roloson has suckered them into giving him a three-year contract. We suspect that by the end of that, somebody is going to regret signing that contract, and it's not going to be Roloson. On the other hand, the Oilers have a bunch of great young guys, so it's way too early to write them off.

Calgary
In: Alex Tanguay, Jeff Freisen, Andrei Zyuzin
Out: Jordan Leopold

Dare we say it, but Calgary is shaping up to be a team we could actually cheer for. Our main sticking point last season was that they played old-style defensive hockey in the new goal-happy era. Mikka Kiprusoff was the very deserving Vezina winning goalie thanks to that system, which saw the Flames take one goal leads and then shut down the game. But now with another goal scorer or two on the team not named Iginla, this is shaping up as a very interesting team. Also, coach Darryl Sutter (and not, as I almost typed, Darryl Sittler) resigned as coach, for better or for worse. He's still the GM, and the new coach (the hilariously named Jim Playfair) was his old assistant coach, so we all know who's pulling the strings.

Vancouver
In: Roberto Luongo, Marc Chouinard, Willie Mitchell
Out: Todd Bertuzzi, Bryan Allen, Dan Cloutier, Ed Jovanovski

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Vancouver pulled off an amazing trade in getting Luongo, and dumping Bertuzzi. The Canucks have all the pieces now. They have the scoring, the goaltending, and most of the defense, though losing Jovanovski never helps. This team badly underachieved last year, somehow managing to miss the playoffs. Marcus Naslund needs to shape up, Anson Carter needs to come back, and Luongo needs to put up the same numbers he did with the Panthers. Vancouver should do much, much better this season. Or they could crash and burn, again. You know, whatever's easier.

So could this be the year that all six Canadian teams make the playoffs? You better believe it. Not only that, but this could be the year that the Cup comes home. A Canadian team to win it all this season? Why not.

With eleven months to go until the Stanley Cup is next awarded, we're going to go out on a limb and predict that the Leafs will win it all. Let's say in a four game sweep of Calgary, no wait, Detroit, no, no, we got it: Columbus. Yeah, Columbus. We'd be willing to put large sums of money on it, in fact.

Until then,

Jason

I Guess Zizou is French For Dumbass

The World Cup has been decided, on penalty kicks no less. Not the most satisfying way to award it perhaps, but definitely the most heart attack inducing.

It was a good game, as World Cup finals go, a solid and unsurprising finish to what has largely been a solid and unsurprising World Cup. Did anyone really expect this game not to go to penalties? At this Cup, that's simply par for the course.

We here at 63 Years were cheering for the French, unfortunately, more from lack of anyone else than because of any overwhelming desire to see Les Bleu lift the trophy again. We sure as hell aren't about to cheer for any damn I-tals in our lifetime. (Hah, we kid, we kid. We would never cheer for them in a million years)

We thought France would come out on top after sticking it to the Italians for most of the second half and extra time, but Buffon isn't paid the big money for nothing.

We should mention something about Zinedine Zidane, who choose a very innoportune time to show Italian defender Matterazi how smooth his head was. Pardon our French here, but what the fuck was he thinking? What could Matterazi have said to provoke that? Has no one ever told Zidane that they've slept with his mother before?

So instead of capping off a brilliant career with perhaps a World Cup, he gets to celebrate from the dressing room, not even alowed to pick up his loser-place, er, second place medal. Bravo Zinedine, bravo. We used to think you were cool.

Anyways, for those not who might not have been cheering for the Azzuri, we have this to cheer you up. It did wonders for us.

Italy Practicing



Cheers,

Jason

Free Agency, Huzzah!

The free agent season started on July 1st, and what a week it's been since then.

The Leafs got in on the free agent pie, thankfully, landing two decent defencemen in Pavel Kubina and Hal Gill. So for the first time in as long as we care to remember, the Leafs actually have a solid group of blue-liners.

John Ferguson Jr. has been doing well this offseason, probably trying to make up for last year's non-offseason, in which he signed Eric Lindros, Jason Allison, and Jeff O'Neill, who promptly all got injured.

Of those three, only O'Neill is under contract for this season, and we here at 63 Years expect him to put up significantly better numbers than last year (38 points, 74 games). Or else.

Allison, the only one who actually put up numbers (60 points, 66 games) is likely to take his unsightly -19 somewhere else this season.

Eric Lindros, nee The Big E, might be back again, on the cheap of course. We would not be against Lindros returning. He was a key figure last season while captain Mats Sundin was out early on, though he eventually dropped off the radar and ended up missing most of the season with a wrist injury (22 points, 33 games). This obviously isn't the Lindros of the mid-nineties, and nobody expects him to put up those kind of numbers, but we feel that he would bring something intangible to this squad.

Side note: Eddie Belfour seems set to sucker the Red Wings into giving him a contract. Didn't Detroit learn their lesson with Hasek? 40+ goalies are not the way to go. This will end badly for both sides.

Side note: Gary Roberts is trying to wrangle a trade back to Toronto, which unfortunately only sounds good in theory. We here at 63 Years love Roberts to bits, we do, but Florida signed him to way more money than they should have last year, and that's not money the Leafs have to throw on aging veterans. Though, you have to think, if the Leafs were still under old management, Roberts would have been back in a heart beat, and Tie Domi and Belfour would still be wearing the Blue and White as well.

On the Raptors side, they shipped up and down rookie Charlie Villaneuva out of town for point guard T.J Ford. Score another one for Brian Collangelo. These Raptors are starting to look like an actual team. Pinch us, we might be dreaming.

Also, the Raps are starting to phase the purple out of the team colours, in favour of the more patriotic red. Now, Collangelo probably had nothing to do with this move, but ever since he came on board, the news about this team just keeps getting and better.

And finally, the Jays are in a funk right now, having just lost their series to...um, Kansas.

Yeah...

Well, the All-Star break is right around the corner, so perhaps that will help. And speaking of all-stars, the Jays have five, count 'em, five of them, the most since 1993, and you know what that team went on to do.

Of course, none of them are starters (though Vernon Wells assuredly deserves to be), but hey, cracking the AL all-star starters is no easy task, especially when you don't play in the centre of the baseball world, Boston or New York.

Later,

Jason

Of A.J's, Draft Days and Blue Jays

The NHL and NBA recently held their rookie drafts, and because the Toronto Raptors had the first overall pick (!!!!), we'll start with them.

Now, leave it to the Raptors to land the first pick in a year when there was no consensus number one. But this was a happy day, so none of that.

Three or four players could have gone first, and the Raptors went with an Italian kid, Andrea Bargnani, dubbed Il Mago and Nowitzki Jr. We can only hope, after watching the Italians flop and dive their way into the semi-finals of the World Cup, that this guy can stay on his two feet long enough to put the ball in the basket.

The Raps' pick was overshadowed by a raft of draft day trades. Portland ended the day with (give or take) eleven of the top ten picks. Seriously, everybody and their grandmother got in a trade with the Blazers. They were like the drunk chick at a frosh party, except that Portland probably came out on top by the end of it...and without the syphilis.

Moving to hockey, the Leafs, believe it or not, actually did something right.

Yeah, we needed a moment too. They shipped a Finnish goaltending prospect (Tuuka Rask) to the Boston Bruins for former Calder Trophy (that's the one for top rookies) winner Andrew Raycroft. And just today, the Leafs made it official that they will not be employing Eddie Belfour next year. So the Leafs have, in a word, solved their goaltending problems, for cheap too. And quickly. The usual antithesis of the Leafs, quick and cheap.

They also signed defenseman Bryan McCabe to the kind of contract that will ensure his family never goes hungry. Ever.

So the Leafs have decided that that their top two defense men for the next five years will be McCabe and Tomas Kaberle. We hope the big brass knows what they're doing here.

Other minor stuff: Vancouver now has a legitimate numero uno goalie in Roberto Luongo, and Roberto Luongo now has a legitimate numero uno team in Vancouver, so both parties have now officially run out of excuses for their failure.

Vancouver missed the playoffs last year despite being overstuffed with talent. They blamed their goaltending, or lack there of for their shortcomings.

In Luongo's five years in Florida, despite putting up solid numbers for a crappy team, he never once made the playoffs.

So now the two are together, for better or for worse. No more excuses.

For the Blue Jays, A.J. Burnett is (finally!) back, giving the Blue Birds an almost legitimate starting rotation. With Roy Halladay, Ted Lilly and now Burnett, the Jays can start making some noise. The other two pitchers who were projected as starters all those months ago, Gustavo Chacin and Josh Towers aren't going to be doing anything soon. Chacin is still two months away from playability, and Towers is in the minors, trying to forget about his 1-9 record.

The Jays have also (finally!) started to take advantage of their interleague games, sweeping both the Nationals (Note to MLB: The Nats no longer play in Montreal) and the Braves.

The recent sweep of the Nats is important, because it saw Burnett, Lilly and Halladay all pitch in succession, letting the Jays flex some of their pitching muscle. Burnett won 6-0, followed by Lilly's 6-1 smadackering and capped off by Halladay's 8-4 piece. For those scoring at home, that's an aggregate score of 20-5 over three days.

It hasn't meant diddly in their quest for top spot in the AL East though, due to Boston's twelve game win streak, largely greased by crappy NL teams.

The Jays are going to have to win the division if they want any post-season pie; the wild card is most assuredly going to either the Tigers or White Sox.

That's all for now,

Jason

A Triumphant Return

Now, we were going to apologize to our faithful readers for the severe lack of recent updates, but then we realised that that would first require actually having, you know, faithful readers.

So with that out of the way, we can get to the plethora (that's a nice word, plethora) of sports stories that have had the audacity to occur during our impromptu sabbatical.

Firstly, the Stanley Cup. As we predicted, Carolina took it, waiting until game seven to do it against a plucky Edmonton team. Despite our Canadian citizenship, we here at 63 Years couldn't help but cheer for the Canes. They were the better team, let's face it, and they were stacked with a bunch of vets who were quickly running out of time on their Stanley Cup clocks. Guys like Rod Brind'Amour, (former Maple Leaf) Glen Wesley, Aaron Ward, and Doug Weight.

So good job Carolina. Keep on proving all those haters wrong. Keep on showing them that hockey can be played in cities where snow is as rare as the sun is hot.

And it was a hell of a game seven too. The score may have only been 3-1, but it was chock full of end to end rushes and chances galore. And how perfect was it that Edmonton scored at the beginning of the third? It injected a much needed dose of kick ass into the final period, and sent a nervous buzz through the whole thing.

So Carolina, a team no one picked to win it all at the outset of this season, went on to win the cup. I don't think we need to tell you how uplifting this is for fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Secondly, Miami won the NBA title. Whoop-de-doo? We choose Dallas to win, and we have to admit, we watched all of twenty seconds of the entire championship series. So we'll just say that, as Raptors fans, we will always have a special corner of Hell for Alonso Mourning, and that we really, really don't like Shaq. That is all.

Nextly, the Jays are on the interleague swing from hell. With their recent sweep at the hands of the Marlins (the Marlins!) that puts them winless in six tries in NL ball parks.

Well, actually, they beat the Braves yesterday, and barring some mishap by B.J Ryan (Mishap? B.J Ryan? Hah) will beat them tonight as well. So things aren't so bad. And A.J Burnett (remember him?) is back tomorrow, giving the Jays something that resembles a pitching rotation. That's a welcome change from the combination of rookies and closers that have made up Toronto's five starters over the past month.

The Jays are ready to make some noise.

Briefly, we would like to mention the Chicago White Sox's manager Ozzie Guillen. Now, we used to think Ozzie was cool. Please note the use of the past tense.

Baseball has its traditions, or so we're told. One of them appears to be retribution. Ozzie sent some poor kid out onto the mound with explicit instructions bean the batter in the head. Instead, the rookie struck him out. That...bastard? Well, Ozzie chewed the guy out for doing his job, and handed him a one way ticket to triple-A.

Afterwards, they made something else up as justification; obviously, you can't tell the media that you sent him down because he refused to try to kill another man, but it was obvious what had really transpired.

But Ozzie couldn't let the issue just die like that. During a press conference, he insulted one member of the press who had been particularly harsh on him, calling the guy an, ahem, "fag".

We could have sworn that Ozzie was once cool, but that memory is quickly fading.

Lastly, we have the World Cup. We here at the 63 Years' offices (saying "offices" beats calling it our living room) have been glued to the TV, and have logged a seriously unhealthy amount of time in front of it's comforting green glow.

The group stage is almost complete, and things are more or less going as we predicted. There have been some hiccups, Ecuador got in over Poland, Trinidad achieved everything without scoring a goal, Ghana is now the real deal, but otherwise, it's been smooth sailing.

It's also been great soccer. We have officially fallen in love with Argentina. They play soccer the right way. The ball is always moving, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, shoot, score. Lionel Messi, Tevez, and Riquelme make them our picks for the World Cup.

That's all for now,

Jason

You Can Stop Worrying Now, World Cup Predictions Are Here!

Before we get underway with 63 Years' Official World Cup Primer, we feel we should at least mention the tragic situation currently occurring in Edmonton.

A fine hockey team, once a serious contender to hoist the coveted Stanley Cup, has been hobbled by a serious injury to their starting goaltender. What once promised to be a fine hockey series between the Edmonton Oilers and the Carolina Hurricanes has now degenerated into a lopsided smack around on the part of Carolina.

Unless Edmonton can pull off a serious series comeback and erase the current two game deficit, we find it hard to imagine Carolina not winning the cup. We did pick them to win it, so we can't complain, but they weren't supposed to win like this... no, never like this.

Now to switch cups, we turn our attention to soccer's premier event, the World Cup, this year to be held by the always capable Deutchlanders (the link between the World Cup and Toronto's futility is tenuous, we'll admit, but it's there. Trust us.). Brazil is, as always, the favourites to win their sixth trophy, though don't count out the Czechs or the Dutch.

Anyway, here's the group breakdown:

Group A
(1)Germany
(2)Poland
(3)Ecuador
(4)Costa Rica

The first group finds the home team on easy street, as they land in a cream puff of a group to start things off. No matter, home side advantage and all that. The Germans are good enough to qualify for the next round no matter which group they were placed in. We're not so convinced about this team's cup potential though. Even if with their fans cheering them on, we don't see them making it past the semi's, tops.

As for the rest of the canon fodder that makes up Group A, we flipped a coin on Poland versus Ecuador, and Poland won out. Seriously though, those two are interchangeable. Costa Rica however, is nailed to that number four.

Group B
(1)England
(2)Sweden
(3)Paraguay
(4)Trinidad & Tobago

Not quite the dream group Germany found themselves in, but England shouldn't have too much trouble moving on, even with Wayne Rooney hobbling around on one leg. Is this their year though? We admit, we have a bit of a soft spot for the Anglos. You see, their streak of futility at World Cups closely mirrors that of a certain Toronto hockey team, neither team having touched their respective cups in more than forty years, so we would be more than happy to see David Beckham hoisting the hallowed trophy. However, we remain skeptical; this is England we're talking about after all.

Sweden is good enough that their advancement is all but locked. But for whatever reason though, we also have a rather large soft spot for the Paraguayans, and we would not be remiss to see them leapfrog over the Swedes. Don't count on it, but Paraguay could pull a fast one over everyone.

Much like Costa Rica, T&T is just here for the ride.

Group C
(1)Netherlands
(2)Argentina
(3)Serbia & Montenegro
(4)Ivory Coast

The quote, unquote, group of death, group C could go a few ways. The Dutch should qualify either way, no need to worry about them. Then we have Argentina and Serbia. Serbia has become the popular dark horse team, and could quite easily move on. However, we're sticking with the tried and true here and picking the Argentines to come through.

The Ivory Coast is another popular dark horse pick, and in any other group, might have had a chance of moving on. However, group C is not any other group, and as such, the Africans will be hard pressed to advance.

Group D
(1)Portugal
(2)Mexico
(3)Iran
(4)Angola

We would be willing to place large sums of money on this outcome, because we feel it is one of the easier groups to predict. On top, you have Portugal, runners up from Euro 2004 (and with no team Greece in sight, they should be breathing easier) and Mexico, perennial North American entrants. Portugal wins out by virtue of being the better team, despite Mexico's high FIFA rankings (by virtue of playing sub-par Central American teams).

Then there's Iran and Angola. Iran will probably have few of the more follicly-challenged Germans cheering for them, though for all the wrong reasons. Other than that, Iran's presence at the Cup will be largely perfunctory. Ditto that Angola, a country we admittedly know little about, other than that their soccer team, while good enough to make it this far, is not good enough to advance.

Group E
(1)Czech Republic
(2)USA
(3)Italy
(4)Ghana

Our emotional picks to win the tournament, the Czechs, lead the group. However, this is a very close group, and one of three very good teams is going home early. We doubt that will be the Czech Republic, but nothing is sacred at this point (see France In '02, Zero Goals Scored By). Of the three very talented teams to call group E home, we think the most likely to buckle are the Italians. They have refined choking to an art, and where better to display it than the first round?

We also think that the Americans are better than most people are willing to give them credit for, and are good for at least the quarter-finals, if not the semi's.

Ghana, is well, Ghana. Another tiny African country that is too excited about the prospect of being in the World Cup to worry about such silly things as winning.

Group F
(1)Brazil
(2)Australia
(3)Croatia
(4)Japan

Group F, consisting of Brazil and three other teams is actually surprisingly wide open, once you look past Brazil. The Brazilians will advance, of course, but after that?

We're picking the Aussies, if only because they're a decent team, and the closest thing to Canada being in the Cup as we're ever going to see.

But don't count out Croatia, they have just as good a chance as well. Japan is just too bland for us to see them advancing, and 2002 was definitely helped by the fans.

Group G
(1)France
(2)Switzerland
(3)South Korea
(4)Togo

Picking France to advance is a risk, we know. But the Les Bleus are back baby, and if not in championship form, at least in enough form to advance easily.

Then it's down to Switzerland and South Korea. We here are highly skeptical of the Koreans, and are eager to see how they perform on somewhere other than home soil. The Swiss are a solid team, which should see them to at least the knockout stage.

Togo will have succeeded if they can score more than a goal or two.

Group H
(1)Spain
(2)Ukraine
(3)Tunisia
(4)Saudi Arabia

Spain may be the prototypical over-rated European power, but they're still good enough to escape this powder puff group. After that...?

Ukraine powered through the qualification stages (knocking out Greece in the process...bastards) thanks almost entirely due to one Andriy Shevchenko. As long as he's good to go, so is the Ukraine. He should see them through to at least the knockout stage.

Tunisia could leap frog the Ukraine, and they carry the distinction of being the best African county in the tournament.

Saudi Arabia, despite all the oil money that has flowed into the team, will just be looking not to get embarrassed 8-0, like the last time around.


And those are our picks for the first round. As with most of 63 Years' predictions, we advise not putting to much money on them, as we have a bad track record when it comes to this sort of thing.

Until tomorrow,

Jason

Take that, Maggie the Monkey

Being right feels so good.

The Stanley Cup Finals are set, and the two teams, Edmonton and Carolina, were both picked by yours truly to get there (Though, my picks at the out set of the playoffs were slightly different *cough*Detroit vs. New Jersey*cough*). After going 0 for four in the second round, 63 Years has correctly picked the Stanley Cup finalists.

We have a bit of a dilemma though. How can we pick a winner from those two when we want both to win?

On the one hand, you have Edmonton, a once great franchise picking up where it left off 16 years ago, the team carrying all of Canada's Stanley Cup hopes, the team that exemplifies the new NHL. On the other hand you have Carolina, a hard luck team that suffered for years in Hartford before being tossed from the frying pan of Connecticut into the fire of North Carolina, a team stocked with ageing veterans desperate for a chamionship.

Guys like Rod Brind'Amour, Brett Hedican, Glen Wesley and Doug Weight are all players I'd like to see hoist the cup.

Edmonton is a much younger team. True, my heart would warm seeing Captain Canada, Ryan Smyth drink from Stanley's mug, but he still has time left on his clock.

And, let's face it, Carolina is the better team here. Edmonton squeeked into the playoffs ranked eighth in the West, while Carolina won their division in style. Carolina has all the pieces and a great young goalie, Edmonton gets by with charm and an aging journeyman goaltender playing way above his normal level.

In light of all that, 63 Years and Counting is picking Carolina to win the series, not that we would have any problem whatsoever with the opposite outcome.

In other news, the Jays kicked the Tampa Bay Devil Rays while they were on the ground, and then spat on them for good measure. Final score: 13-3, nine of the Jays' runs coming in the ninth inning, all the more remarkable in that the Jays' offensive catalyst, Vernon Wells sat the game out (coincidently, his replacement in centre field, Reed Johnson, had two homers on the night)

That's the kind of ruthless play the Jays need if they're ever going to topple the Yankees-Red Sox monopoly on first place.

In other news, the Toronto Argonauts lost their first preseason exhibition game, and Ricky Williams was barely seen on the field. I think it's now safe for us to go back to not caring about the CFL.

In other news, the World Cup (you know which one) begins on Friday, less than a week away. Because we here at 63 Years and Counting are not on crack, we are going with the tried an true Brazilians to win the most prestigious trophy in all of sports.

We will also be cheering for the Czechs and Dutch, and maybe even the Serbians (sans Montenegro now), if only because they have achieved official "Dark Horse" status.

We will try to get some sort of group stage prediction thing up here before Friday, but then again, don't hold your breath.

Later,

Jason

Bosox? Try Nosox

The Jays took a tight one against the Red Sox today, winning off an eighth inning pinch hit RBI from Shea "Anywhere but Anaheim" Hillenbrand. Final score: 7-6. That the Jays led at one point 6-0, is purely inconsequential.

Roy "I'll Have My Cy Young to Go, Please" Halladay was cheated out of the win by a less than stellar Jays bullpen, but the important thing is that the Jays won against the division leading Bosox.

We came across this nice little stat: the Jays are 6-3 against Boston so far this season. That's the kind of stuff the Jays need if they're going to challenge for anything this season.

In other news, after what probably only seemed like the longest homerless streak ever, Barry "Don't Even Say It" Bonds reeled off number 715 in front of the only people who still seem to cheer for him these days, the San Fran crowd.

Well congrats, we suppose. We have to ask though, was second place on the all time home run list really worth selling your soul? We hope so, because seriously, second's as far as he's ever going to get on that list.

In other, other news, Ricky Williams is now officially a Toronto Argonaut, which has sparked a serious case of sour grapes. If you're to lazy to follow the link (I know I would be) I'll give you a brief synopsis:

Montreal Alouettes GM: Blah blah blah not fair blah blah

You just know the other teams are just kicking themselves for not thinking of signing Williams first, and this is their way of taking out there anger.

Tough cookies.

And finally, in the so sad it's almost funny department, Ronaldo "To Good For a Last Name" has stated that he would someday like to play in the US.

Cringe.

Yeah, Pele did it too, but that doesn't make it cool.

The MLS is for average American players and washed up Europeans. Where would Ronaldo fit into that equation?

If you didn't follow the link (this is becoming a bad habit!) here's the bare bones:

"Right now I have a contract with Real Madrid and I'm only thinking about the World Cup, but without a doubt, the American market is one of my goals for the future," his exact words were.

We're going to go out on a limb here and say that when he says future, he means when no one in Europe will pay him any more.

Speaking of washed up Brazilians, the once and future Brazilian star Romario has been sighted playing for some minor-minor league soccer team in Miami. He played recently in Toronto, scoring the only goal in a one-nothing victory over the hometown Toronto Lynx.

We only note this because the former superstar is on a quest that makes Barry Bonds' ill-fated home run chase look like a cakewalk.

You see, Romario is on a quest to become only the second footballer to score 1000 goals (a shiny penny to whoever can name the first to do so - hint: it rhymes with "melee").

He says that he is currently around 960, though, give or take 20 or 30. Give mostly.

Nobody is quite sure how Romario arrived at that number, his career has spanned three continents and a slew of different teams, not least of which is the Brazilian national team. It's also not clear what Mr. Mario considers a goal. Are goals scored in practice fair game? Or only when nobody's looking?

Romario is at the ripe old age of 40 (73 in soccer years) and he definitely isn't getting any younger. He has desperate written all over him. His hair is speckled with gray, and on the field the word, "run" is as foreign to him as the lady who cleans my house (No, I kid, Maria has her citizenship. Or, that's what she told me...).

So a double plea to both Romario and Bonds: Please, please, please retire. Please, you're embarrassing yourself and all the fans who once cheered for you. Please call it quits.

Please?

Jason.

63 Hours Worth of News

The Jays are going along at a nice clip, even without the services of Gustavo Chacin and A.J. Burnett. They won again this afternoon, taking a 3-2 decision through 11 against the White Sox, giving them the series win to boot.

They go for the sweep tomorrow, but don't hold your breath. If our memory serves correct, thw Jays have yet to sweep a series so far this season.

In other news, the Toronto Argos are mere days away from officially signing NFL running back Rickey Williams for the season. I'd be a little worried if I were the Miami Dolphins though; after a year of Canada's laid back marijuana laws, will Rickey even want to come back?

In other, other news, Barry Bonds is still trying to take second place on the all-time homer list for himself. We are starting to wonder if Mr. Bonds will even last the season the way he's playing these days.

In other, other, other nonsporting news, the city of Toronto is set to make a bid for the 2015 World Expo. You'll excuse us if we don't seem overjoyed. It's like, talk about setting your sights low.

So you you were turned down the IOC, that doesn't mean you have to go scrounging around the bottom of the barrel to find a replacement. The World's Fair is like the Olympic's shorter, uglier, older sister.

The good folks behind this money pit insist this move will raise Toronto's international profile. Snicker. Seriously, can you name the city that hosted the last World's Fair? Yeah, me neither. For all I know, the World's Fair could be going on right now.

The only other city in the running is some Turkish 'burb, which, and we don't mean to sound cocky here, practically guarantees Toronto that Expo.

This is such a bad idea on so many levels.

In even further news, some horse broke its leg. And yet life goes on, the sun still rises in the morning and it still sets in the evening. Please, it's just a horse. Get over it.

And finally, Edmonton is sooooo close to making it to the Stanley Cup finals. If any Canadian team is going to win the cup (not named Toronto, that is) we're glad it's going to be Edmonton.

We here couldn't cheer for Ottawa of course, and Vancouver and Calgary are simply out of the question. We could stomach Montreal winning actually, they have enough that one more won't make a difference. But Edmonton, this is the team that could, the team the wouldn't give up.

We started the playoffs with a serious case of Oiler doubt, predicting a swift defeat at the hands of first Detroit, and then San Jose. That never happened of course, and now we find ourselves fully converted to the Oiler experience. Go Oils!

That's all for now,

Jason

Everything's Coming up Colangelo

File this one under didn't see this coming, because the Raptors have landed the first overall pick in the NBA draft.

Yeah, we're at a loss for words too.

Now, we won't suggest that hiring Brian Colangelo as GM was directly responsible for this crazy turn of luck, but c'mon, how many first overall picks did Rob "I'll Trade My Vince Carter for your Ham Sandwich and a Shiny Nickle" Babcock earn the Raptors?

None.

Now we here at 63 Years don't know enough about the depth of this year's draft to properly comment on it, though we've heard is not overly uplifting.

Anyway, this is a great chance for the Raptors to get something done. There may be no slam dunk rookie (get it? Slam dunk? Anything?), but the guys available are no slouches.

In other (belated) news, as part of the MLB interleague play, the Jays found themselves playing their ancient arch-rivals, the ahem, Colorado Rockies.

Yeah, we're slightly confused too. But with the departure of Les Expos (au revoir...), the Jays find themselves without a true NL rival.

But no matter, that didn't stop the Rockies from adminstering an old fashion mountain ass kicking on the Blue Birds, sweeping them in three.

In Toronto's defense, we could mention Denver's mile-high altitude, and the NL's cockamamie habit of inserting pitchers into the batting order, but instead we will just extend a warm welcome to the Rockie's to come visit Toronto. Let's see how they play with one of them new-fangled DH thingies.

In even more Jays news, the boys from the T-Dot have rebounded nicely from their Nl drubbing, rebounding to take their series against Tampa Bay in the first two games.

There's no better way to stroke an ego than to smack the D-Rays around, I tell you what.

Drafting on Heavens door,

Jason

Updating for the Sake of Updating

Much has happened in the last four days of sports, since anyone (me) here bothered to update. So if this is your sole source of sporting goodness, we apologise for any inconveniance, and suggest that you try getting a life, loser.

Firstly, there hasn't been much Toronto based news lately. The Jays are the only show in town, and they're going along nicely. Win a couple here, win a couple there, always a game or two behind New York and Boston.

Super ace Roy Halladay is at 5-1, and in our humble opine, the early forerunner for the Cy Young. He pitches tonight actually, but the game is in Anahiem, or LA, or wherever the Angels play their ball games nowadays, and we have beauty sleep to attend to.

Secondly, Barry Bonds is still one short of Babe Ruth, which, as far as we're concerned is where he can stay.

Thirdly, 63 Years went o-4 in our NHL playoff predictions. That is embaressing, no two ways about it.

We have decided to jump on the Edmonton bandwagon though, and are optimistic about putting them in the finals against Carolina. We've been betting against Buffalo all the way so far, and we don't see any reason to stop now.

Fourthly, the Detroit Pistons are on the verge of joining the Red Wings on the Motor City's many fine golf courses, having dropped game five to Lebron James and four other guys. Seeing as how we picked Detroit to win it all, here's hoping they can pull something off.

Though, if you've been paying attention, you'll realise that our powers of prediction are somewhat wanting.

Fifthly, and finally, Barcelona are champ-ionies of Europe taking down a 10-man Arsenal side 2-1. No surprises there, Barcelona is easily one of the best, if not the best club in Europe.

I was disapointed to see the final ten minutes disolve into a teamwide game of keep away by Barcelona. Arsenal barely touched the ball after Barca scored in the 80th minute. They couldn't muster anything, which turned the game into the worse kind of soccer imaginable.

We are the knights who say Nou,

Jason

Mo' Maurice, Mo' Problems

It was really only a matter of time of course, before the Toronto Maple Leafs made it official.
Paul Maurice becomes the newest schlub to take on the daunting task of coaching in the centre of the universe. He is always described as having a great sense of humour, which is a trait he's going to have to hold on to if he doesn't want to have his soul sucked out by the enormous pressure and ridiculous expectations placed on any Leaf coach.

Pat "Lower Body Injury" Quinn, the last sucker to try to do anything with this team, was adept at handling the swarms of "reporters" (excuse our cynicism) that even the most meaningless of practices would attract.

Will Maurice be able to take that? His last job was after all, in that hockey mecca of Raleigh, North Carolina, where the team was lucky to attract two or three members of the media.

Maybe that's all a little unfair to the guy though. Despite being saddled with crappy Hurricane teams for his entire NHL coaching career, he has managed one Stanley Cup final appearance, which mathematically speaking, is an infinitely greater number than the Leafs have managed over the past forty seasons.

Welcome to Toronto Maurice, the place where ambitions come to die. We only hope you make it out of here in one piece.

In other news, it's time to break out the bubbly. The Jays' whipping boy, Josh Towers, finally won his first start today, dismantling the Tampa Bay Devil Rays 8-3, in a very convincing, 8 inning, 76 pitch outing.

That puts his record on the long path to recovery, now an only slightly less unsightly 1-7. If you wanted to be a Gloomy Gladys about it, you could point out that he got his first win against one of the worst teams in the league, and that manhandling the D-Rays hardly qualifies as an accomplishment. But that would also make you a jerk. Just savour the moment. Josh Towers is back baby.

In other, other news, the Ottawa Senators have choked. Again. They were eliminated from the second round of the playoffs in a depressing five games by the Buffalo Sabres (doing their best impression of the Toronto Maple Leafs).

The most ridiculous thing that we're hearing though, is that owner/jillionaire Eugene Melnyk wants major changes made to the team.

Major changes? What? Are you kidding?

You have one of the undeniably best teams in the league, and you want to blow it all up just because you were undressed in the playoffs?

Talk about fickle.

As a fan of a team that has only topped the 100 point mark once in it's 70 or so year history, I find it hard to believe that people are so negative on the Senators.

Of course, even if they wanted it, the Senators brass would be hard pressed to keep this team together. All-star defensemen Wade Redden and Zdeno Chara are both free agents, and the best bet is that the Sens will only have money for one of them (A sudden image of Redden wearing a Leafs' jersey has filled my head). Martin Havlat has another year on his contract, but he may be on his way out anyway. And we'd be a little surprised if Emery was the starting goaltender next year.

Not because he isn't good enough, because he is, but because Ottawa fans are notoriously capricious. Nothing short of absolute and total success will ever be tolerated by Senator nation (which, come to think of it, is a pretty weak criticism. Sure beats the laissez-faire apathy of Leafs fans).

And in one last tidbit (we promise) of news, this guy seems to be surprised that Yankee pitcher Randy Johnson is, get this, struggling.

Umm, when you're approaching your 93 birthday, I hardly think it counts as struggling. This is just the way Randy Johnson is now.

Where did people get this idea in their head that Randy is still in his prime? The man is, by sports standards, ancient. It's unfair for people to assume he's the same pitcher he was ten years ago, or even five.

We've long been critical of the Yankee's move to make Johnson their so-called ace.

"So, what, exactly, is wrong?" asked Mr. Klapisch, in the above referenced article. What went wrong? I'll tell you what the problem is. He turned 42, that's what.

Get off Randy's back people, his best days are in the past. Just appreciate him for what he can still do.

Later,

Jason

No, I mean Toronto's Other Football Team

Toronto has added one more professional team to its ranks, with the unveiling of its new MLS franchise. And while we could joke that the MLS hardly qualifies as a professional league, we don't think that would be appropriate.

Sure, the MLS is about as popular as professional hot dog eating, and only slightly less nauseating to watch, and sure, North America and futbol go together like peanut butter and pickles, but forget all that. This is a happy day for soccer in Canada. Because of this new soccer team, Toronto will now have an honest to goodness soccer stadium to call its own.

The team has been named Toronto FC, which is a good solid name. Nothing fruity or weird about that. None of this ripping off real teams (Real Salt Lake? Houston Dynamo? Who are they trying to fool here?), and way better than the proposed Internazionale Toronto.

Not to mention their spiffy logo. I mean seriously, that's a quality logo.

But there are dark clouds over this team. They are owned by a monster known as Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment, the beast responsible for 51 one years worth of futility. As owners of the Maple Leafs and Raptors, things do not bode well for MLS's Canadian pioneer.

But they don't start playing until 2007. Time enough to prove me wrong.

And speaking of Toronto and football, the Toronto Argonauts, our representative in the CFL, have earned themselves their first mention on 63 Years and Counting with the chuckle worthy move of placing running back/junkie Ricky Williams on their negotiation list.

For those not in the know, Ricky Williams was suspended for the season by the NFL for toking up once too many times.

The Argos, savvy customers that they are, imediately put him on their list, giving them exclusive rights to talk with him.

And the funny thing is that Ricky might actually be open to it. The Miami Dolphins surely want him to be doing something during his hiatus (get it? Hiatus, high? Yeah... that wasn't very good), and the CFL certainly constitutes something.

And while you could probably say something about the CFL accepting the NFL's dregs, and what kind of message does this send to the youth of today, it's more likely you'd end up with a smack. Of course the CFL will take the NFL's leftovers; that's the way it works. The CFL is like a second chance for the castoffs, the has beens, the wannabees, and the rejects that the NFL has deemed unworthy. That's just the way things are.

And about the drug use thing, well... did we mention he's a former Heisman Trophy winner?

And in other news, the Jays smacked the A's around today 8-3. Ted Lilly got the win, and he's going to have to keep being solid if this team hopes to go anywhere. A.J Burnett is still out, Gustavo Chacin is the newest question mark with a strained something or other, and Josh Towers, now at an unsightly 0-7, is quite quickly pitching his way out of the starting rotation.

In other, other news, we have to admit that following our advice in the NHL playoffs is hardly the best idea. We picked New Jersey over Carolina and they're now down 3-0; we picked Ottawa over Buffalo and they're now down 3-1; we picked Colorado over Anahiem and they're down 3-0 and in the process of losing game four as we type.

Hindsight is 20/20,

Jason