Saturday, August 26, 2006

Going, Going, Gibbons

The clock has started ticking on manager John Gibbons' tenure with the Blue Jays. With his recent dust-up with pitcher Ted "An Eight Run Cushion? That's Nothing" Lilly, that brings his total of club house brawls to two, which of course is two too many.

Whatever the reason is, perhaps the players don't respect him, perhaps they're all pissed off at wasting the season, perhaps whatever, the point is, Gibbons is done. We like that the front office showed restraint in not doing it right away though, it would send the wrong message to players and fans to can him now. But rest assured there's no way he's coming back for another season.

Speaking of the Jays, they sent Roy Halladay to the mound today, league leader in wins, against the Kansas City Royals, league leaders in crappiness. Halladay had a gem of a game, allowing only two runs and four hits while throwing a beauty of a complete game. Oh yeah, he lost too. Whoops.

Halladay was outpitched by
Runelvys Hernandez, he of the 3-8 win-loss record, and 7.5 ERA, who threw a spotless complete game of his own for the win. We assure you, that's the last time you'll ever hear his name on this site.

What's up Jays? Losing to Kansas, with Roy Halladay on the mound? Is this your way of throwing in the towel? Telling everyone to give up and go home?

Don't worry, everyone figured that one out long ago.


Sunday, August 20, 2006

15 Reasons Why The Jays Won't Make the Playoffs

Following the Toronto Blue Jays spectacular, 15 nothing loss at the hands of Baltimore today, we here at 63 Years have officially given up on them. In honour of the occasion, we present fifteen reasons you should do the same.

(1) Because the front office has. We were fine with the Jays dealing away a middle reliever the other day. No problems there. But to trade away Eric Hinske, one of the Jays' key bench players to a division rival? The Blue Jays' brass has given up on the team.

(2) Their division is unwinable. The Jays are eight games back, and need to leap frog two teams, the Red Sox and the Yankees, in order to win the division. To put it bluntly, that is not going to happen.

(3) The wildcard is unwinable. The Jays are seven and half games back, and need to leap frog three teams, the White Sox, the Red Sox and the Twins, in order to win the wildcard. To put it bluntly, that is not going to happen.

(4) Their starting rotation is looking thin. Operating with three-fifths of the original projected starting five, with Gustavo Chacin still another week away, and Josh Towers not likely to get on a Toronto mound for a long long time. The fourth and fifth spots have been filled by an unconvincing collection of relievers and rookies.

(5) Their bench is looking thin. The Jays started with too many players on the bench, and not enough spots on the field. Now Shea "Play For Yourself" Hillenbrand and Eric "Rookie of the Year" Hinske are gone, and the Jays have nobody to come off the bench to make a difference.

(6) No key rookies. Unlike everyother team in the majors, the Jays have not had a single rookie come up and turn heads. Casey Janssen looked like the real deal for awhile before crumbling. Guys like Shawn Marcum and Fransisco Rosario have been mediocre at best.

(7) J.P Ricciardi can't keep his mouth shut. The Jays GM finds the worst possible times to criticize his team, calling out Vernon Wells, even though he's putting up solid numbers. Stay out of the locker room, J.P

(8) Troy Glaus is hurting. The power hitting third baseman has been limping around for a bit now, but with Jays' depleted depth, there's nobody to replace him with. He's going to have to play through it.

(9) This team can't seem to get hot. The Jays have been consistently ok all throughout the season. With the exception of their recent seven game swoon, the Jays rarely lose in bunches, but conversely, rarely win in bunches. Their best effort so far was a fiver a month or so ago. If they want to do something, they're going to have to pull a page out of Minnesota or Los Angeles' book and start winning big and often.

(10) This team can't sweep. Stemming from the above, or rather, causing the above, the Jays are woeful when it comes time to apply the pressure and sweep away a team. This season is riddled with series where the Jays squandered sweeping opportunities. The Jays have lost their broom.

(11) Because... um... fifteen is a big number, did you know that? So we only got to eleven, but frankly, we didn't even think we'd get to six, so we're on top already.

The point is, we've given up on our baseball team, with a month and a half to go. We'd change the site's name to "64 Years and Counting" right now, but we figure we owe it to the Jays to at least wait until they've been mathematically eliminated. And because we still have a whole whackload of business cards. More the latter than the former.


Thursday, August 17, 2006


According to, who have it on good authority from the Boston Herald, who totally heard it from a friend of the lady who does Vernon Wells' hair, the Jays have sent spare part and key benchwarmer Eric Hinske to the Red Sox.

We here at 63 Years World News Centre refuse to believe these reports. Why would manager J.P Ricciardi deal a key player to a division rival, and a team that they would have to leapfrog in order to get to the postseason?

Hinske was the 2002 AL rookie of the year, though he seems to have forgotten. He had a tough season last year, but coming off the bench this year, he's been a solid contributor.

To his credit, Ricciardi has denied the reports, for whatever that's worth. On the other hand, Hinske was scheduled to start tonight (an 8-3 debacle at the hands of Tampa Bay) but was scratched twenty minutes till go time.

We seriously hope that these rumours are untrue, or at the very least, that the Jays have not shipped Hinske to the Red Sox. At the very least...

To quote, "More details to follow."


Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Scho Long, Schoeneweis

The Blue Jays lightened their bullpen today, sending lefty reliever Scott Schoeneweis to Cincinnati for um... well, not much actually. "A Player To Be Named". Oh, and the penny conscious Blue Jays save about 600 thou on Schoeneweis' contract, which is up this year anyway.

Let's be honest, we here at 63 Years don't really care about the Jays' bullpen shuffling. MLB relievers are as permanent as that tattoo that came with our box of Froot Loops. This entry is just a slim facade for today's title, which came to us in a flash of inspiration as we read of Schoeneweis' departure.

Come on, "Scho Long, Schoeneweis"? It's virtual poetry.

Back to the story, we might as well make something out of it. Grafted word for word off of are Sho's stats for this season.

"Schoeneweis, 32, appeared in 55 games this season, posting a 2-2 record and 6.51 ERA but hasn't been as effective since the all-star break, in part because of a nagging leg injury. Overall, the six-foot, 190-pound left-hander allowed 39 hits in 37.1 innings, while walking 16 and striking out 18"

Nothing special, in other words. He was a pretty faceless guy in a pretty faceless bullpen. He didn't have great sideburns, like Bryan Tallet, great hair, like Scott Downs, or a great first name, like Jason Frasor.

He just was.

Scho long then, and thanks for all the memories. Like that time when you know what? Let's not ruin the moment.

Good luck with the Reds,


ADDENDUM: We would also like to extend an apology to half man, half machine, Roger Federer. It would seem that we jinxed him. A day after writing this,

Also unrelated, we feel we should devote a few inches to tennis, what with the Rogers Cup taking place in our backyard. Roger Federer won the men's side. No shit, Sherlock. Of course Federer won. Yawn. Moving on.
Federer goes and actually, get this, loses. Woah! Yeah, that's what we said. Wanna know something even freakier? It happened in Cincinnati!

So we'd just like to say to Federer, we're so sorry, and that from now on, we'll put our strange voodoo powers to use for the greater gooder.

For example: Those Toronto Maple Leafs, they're never going to win a Stanley Cup again. Never. Ever.

Are you listening, Voodoo gods? Never.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Wildcard Dreams?

The Jays are still, by the slimmest of margins, in the AL's wildcard hunt. They sit 7.5 games behind the current wild team, Chicago. Coincidently, that's also the margin of games that separate them from the AL East leading Yankees. There's no easy way in for these Blue Jays.

Realistically, the wildcard race is a three horse show, with the Jays looking in from the outside. But as long as they continue to win games, like they did tonight, sliding by the slumping Devil Rays 4-3, we here at 63 Years and Counting can continue to hope.

It looks bleak, it does, but as long the Jays can keep putting notches in the W column, we can keep pretending. All we ask is that Toronto stays competitive, at least until, say mid September. You know, make a good show of it. That should carry us into the NHL pre-season, which should help pick up the slack.

And if the Jays do manage something, it will be largely thanks to Roy "15-3" Halladay, who became the major league leader in wins today with his little number against Tampa. This guy deserves way more love than he gets from the US media.

Also, Gustavo "I Have My Own Perfume" Chacin, he of the three month long disabled list sojourn, is set to return on Saturday against the Baltimore Orioles. He owned a sparkling 6-2 record before he went down, which did a good job of sweeping his unsightly ERA under the rug. No matter though, because this means that the Jays will have four of their original five projected starters on the mound. Don't hold your breathe on Josh Towers though...

Sidenote: Former Leaf
Owen Nolan has finally landed on another team, after a year's absence. He's in Phoenix now, and we'd like to say that we have no hard feelings towards the guy, even if he did try to shaft the Leafs' salary cap ambitions last season. He's coming fairly cheap (1.25 mil) and he's only 34. Good job by the Coyotes.

Also unrelated, we feel we should devote a few inches to tennis, what with the Rogers Cup taking place in our backyard. Roger Federer won the men's side. No shit, Sherlock. Of course Federer won. Yawn. Moving on.

We also feel we should mention that we totally dig the whole "chick sports" thing. Totally. Yep, we're all about that. Which is why we didn't even bother watching the men's tournament, the overpaid, chauvinist pigs that they are. That's right, we boycotted the men's half in favour of the women's half. Please, your praise is not necessary.

Maria Kirilenko, seen here at the Rogers Cup in Montreal. She can cup our Roger anyday. Giggidy!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

What Are We Going To Do With You Buffalo?

We don't think it needs to be said, but that is an ugly logo.

Incidently, it's also the Buffalo Sabre's new logo. Did we mention how ugly it is?

We here at 63 Years and Counting are just a little bit too young to remember the Sabre's old jerseys, you know, the one with a buffalo, and couple of sabres on it. Straight forward, if nothing else.

Then they went through their black phase, which, despite what old-school Buffalo fans might say, we thought were pretty cool. Anyways, despite being a decent jersey, the fans weren't crazy about it. Something about tradition, yada, yada, yada.

So the front office has decided to bring back the old colour scheme, blue and yellow, along with a new logo, the affectionately dubbed, "Buffaslug". Which has us scratching our heads. Blue and yellow? Our knowledge of fashion is admittedly lacking, but blue and yellow? And as you may have noticed, their new logo is no looker either.

Here's the problem as we see it. Buffalo fans are hung up on a jersey, that was essentially, bad. Their blue and "gold"
number that they rocked since inception may be what Buffalo fans grew up on, but let's face it, as jersey's go, it was an 8.7 on the Blah scale.

And if they were really set on going back, they could do worse than to listen to this
guy. Actually, those are pretty slick. I think that would be a jersey that every Buffalo fan could agree on.

Speaking of things that all Buffalo fans can agree on, that buffalo slug is one ugly mother. Seriously. Do you realise that someone was actually given money to come up with that?

There's a petition around somewhere to change it, but we all know you can't fight the man, so we won't bother linking to it.

There are a lot of other ugly jerseys in the NHL (like anything Nashville has ever worn) but that will be a battle for another day. Until then, fight the good fight Buffaloheads.


Sunday, August 06, 2006

Oh Hockey, Where Art Thou?

It was pointed out to us the other day that the NHL is two months away from kicking off. Still two months? It feels like forever since Brind'Amour skated around the RBC Arena, Stanley Cup held high.

We're in a serious case of hockey withdrawal over here. The shakes haven't started yet, but...

We blame it on the Blue Jays mostly. When they were good, they were able to stave off the worst of it, and the World Cup helped take our minds off it. But with Toronto's, scratch that, Canada's baseball team in a serious swoon, our attention has wandered.

After swallowing a seven-game losing streak, the Jays are out of it in a bad way. Even Roy Halladay is struggling. What's going on here? The Jay's once held contender status has quickly widdled away to merely pretender.

Only 60 more days till the puck drops at the Air Canada Centre, Ottawa at Toronto. Early prediction? 12-1 for Toronto, with Mats Sundin eclipsing Darryl Sittler's single game point record with an impressive quadruple hatrick.

Until October 4 then,


Wednesday, August 02, 2006

"I Love Trade Deadlines. I Like The Whooshing Sound They Make As They Fly By."

We assume that's J.P Ricciardi's take on it at least. Another trade deadline past, another year of no deals. Does J.P Ricciardi have something against the trade deadline? Maybe it was on a trade deadline many years ago that Ricciardi first had his heart broken, or perhaps it was on one fateful deadline day that his faithful dog Sparky ran away to join the circus.

Who knows. We certainly don't. What we do know is that the Jays are in trouble. They've chosen an inopportune time to swoon, as the Yankees and Red Sox continue to surge ahead. The Jays deficit currently stands at six games behind the aforementioned Yankees for first in the division. That's a tall order for a team that considers it a huge achievement if they can string three wins together.

The Yankees made a move though (of course the Yankees made a move), picking up Bobby "I Won the Home Run Derby Last Year, Honest" Abreu and pitcher, Cory "Former Blue Jay" Lidle. They also spanked A.J Burnett around last night, winning 5-1.

The Jays are struggling, and these are the games the Jays have to win. Every game against Boston and New York is huge now, and they can't afford to waste them.

In other news, and you can file this under "There's Something in Detroit's Water", the Red Wings have signed Dominik Hasek. Again. They didn't learn their lesson the second time?

Apparently he's going to get the starters job, which bodes poorly for this franchise. And let's not forget that this is the same team that was thinking of handing Eddie Belfour a contract.

So what, at the beginning of the off-season did the GM sit down and say, "Ok guys, let's go out there and sign the oldest, fragilest goalie we can find!" because that certainly seems to be the game plan.

And what exactly was wrong with Manny Legace? He had, by all accounts, a very solid season. So what the team goofed in the first round, you're going to lay all the blame on Legace?

63 Years is skeptical, to say the least.

Also, Raptors GM Brian Colangelo has fufilled his promise of completely overhauling the roster. He just forgot to mention the part about him building the team to compete for the Euro League title.

Toronto hasn't seen this many European immigrants since they were giving away free land out west.

The Raptors will be better this season, it won't take much to top last year's effort, but we have yet to be convinced that this is a team that will make the playoffs.

Until then,